New Year 2017 #2017 #Contentment

contentmentHappy New Year Y’all!

Every new year I try to write down some goals, thoughts or reminders in my journal.  But this year, I really did not have a clue what to plan because I had already started my “reset” toward the end of last year (after all that’s what new years goals are all about, right?  Pushing the reset button).  For the past 6-8 weeks I’ve been working out faithfully, downsizing my garage and closet, selling things I don’t need, starting up a couple of self-employment opportunities, volunteering more time at the boys schools, catching up on home projects, and learning to put myself and my needs before everyone else (trust me, I needed that one).   So when 2017 rolled around, I actually did not have too much to “reset”.  A hope to keep it going maybe but that’s about it.  Then I saw this little reminder nugget on Dave Ramsey’s social media page.

Saving money starts with contentment.  Contentment.  There’s that dreaded word again.  Y’all, I am NOT a naturally content woman.  And I’m not talking about money.  We’ve been working our Dave Ramsey plan and living on less and saving more for a while.  The money contentment part is not the most difficult part for me.  Contentment in general is the difficult part for me.  Such as learning to be content as a middle aged, suburbia-living woman, wife, mother and employee.  Learning to be content just being content.

Secretly I’ve always been a little jealous of women who are completely content just getting married, having children, taking their kids to the park, or finding their dream job.  I can honestly say that I truly suffer from ADD microwave rabbit brain.  I get bored in under 15 minutes with just about anything and everything and everyone.  I am RARELY ever – if ever – content.  Unless I’m in a zillion different projects running around like a psychopath, I’m bored.  And during the rat race, I’m not content either because I’m moody and exhausted.  It’s like there’s no balance for me.  My scale is either exhausted and grumpy or bored to tears (ok maybe it’s a little exaggerated but you get the point right?)

What if this little reminder said “saving your marriage starts with contentment” or “saving your sanity starts with contentment” or “saving your friendships starts with contentment”…?  I have a feeling that contentment in and of itself does so much more for us than we know although it does seem to wrestle with our natural inner struggle to make goals and achieve them, to always strive for more, to always challenge ourselves to be better.  Or maybe it’s not a wrestling match at all.  Maybe it’s just about balance.

Either way y’all, this reminder is for me and if you need it too, that’s awesome.

Coffee cheers and best wishes to you all in 2017.  Happy New Year!!!

 

 

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Perspective Reminder

perspectiveI saw this on social media and just loved it.  What a great reminder!  I find that I tend to gravitate toward “situational happiness” (once I get that next car, purse, partner, job, when my son graduates, when the house is remodeled, etc. then I’ll really be happy).  But the truth is that it’s really all about perspective and what I focus on.  Yes, there are legitimate good days and bad days.  But I do want to make the BEST of what I have today and focus on the positive.

Social media hugs y’all 🙂

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The Journey Continues

walk-away

I saw this last week and it really rubbed me.  I so want to be this type of girl – this self worth girl – but I’m not.  This life journey is a lot about learning who I can trust, who I can’t and what to do with that information.  Learning to build healthy relationships and being able to remove myself from toxic ones and being able to let others go.  That’s really hard for me because I don’t really cling to people often so when I do it’s full force like I’m Velcro or gum on the bottom of a shoe.   I just don’t let go when I should.  I fight too hard sometimes  creating my own resistance.

I had to chew on this: “the moment that you prove that your value of me does not measure up to my sense of self-worth”… I have realized that my self worth for years has been in being a doer.  Achieving.  Being helpful.  Being needed.  It actually became my purpose.  Unfortunately, that also resulted in realizing that a lot of people only wanted me in their life for their own benefit and gain.  When they needed me, they wanted me.  When they no longer needed me, they discarded me.  At one point I was a board room vote. Like congress. Do we keep her or discard her? Or maybe hold on to her for later?  Like I was no longer a person at times … just a burden or mouth to feed.  And that has gone on for so long in my life as a whole that I began to see it as normal and acceptable.  Just part of life.  But really, it shows another area of weakness within myself that I needed to work on which is gaining a sense of purpose apart from works and apart from others and learning to love myself.

I have been talking this week with a girl from my hometown who is looking at making a career change into the legal field (God help her haha).   Today I asked her whether or not she is going to resign from her current job and take an open legal position.  She said she was still weighing her options but that she sure doesn’t want to miss this job opportunity being loyal to a company that doesn’t have loyalty for her.  Man, I so wish I had that mindset back when I were getting job offers.  Due to my loyalty to a group of grown professional men who I believed “needed me”, I allowed them to take priority over what I needed and what was best for myself and my family.  I became emotionally involved in their well-being always hoping for the best for them and their careers at my own expense.  And it just makes me want to kick myself in the butt.  Not all the time.  Not daily.  But sometimes.  It’s like I have 10 great days then a low day.  One step forward, two steps back.  Three steps forward, one step back.  I know I’m making daily progress forward but the emotional back and forth can drive me batty some days. And I miss them.  Their jokes, witty nature, sarcasm, humor… the good parts of their personalities.  I spent more time with them than my own family so sometimes I find myself lonely and missing the buzz around the office, their memes and hysterical emojis.  Self employment is a gift and I’m very thankful for it.  But it really can be lonely at times especially since I am so dang social.

So let me ask you just in case you find yourself to be a little like me… Where does your worth lie?  Is your worth and sense of purpose dependent on a spouse who needs you, kids who need you, a job that needs you?  If so, what happens when those people or positions no longer need you?  It reminds me of the “empty nest syndrome” some mothers feel once all of their kids graduate and move off.  So much of their life was devoted to child rearing that they don’t know what to do once that season of life is over.

So, for the millionth time, I am reminding myself that life is a journey.  Not a destination.   People come.  People go.  Find your purpose.  Live life to the fullest.  Be yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Take care of you.  You are worth it.

 

 

 

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Thanksgiving 2016

It’s time for my annual Thanksgiving journal entry. Giving thanks is so important to me. I tell the boys every night at dinner to find “something” to give thanks for each day. As long as you are living and breathing there must be SOMETHING for which you can be thankful.

dickinsFor me, I can officially call 2016 my Charles Dickens year. It truly was the best of times and the worst of times with moments of both despair and hope. Or, as I call it, storms of life followed by rainbows and butterflies LOL. Sounds a bit like normal life doesn’t it?

This year was particularly difficult in that I had a milestone birthday, a semi midlife crisis of sorts, rocky marital waters, my employment position got hacked and the company dissolved scattering my friends to multiple places, my closest friendships were tested, some relationships that were no longer beneficial and needed to be severed were completely severed, I definitely went through a period of uncertainty regarding who (if anyone) I could truly trust, and the list goes on and on. I definitely miss my weekly “lunch therapy” group but aside from that so many GREAT things happened this year. In fact, I have more hope for the future than I have had since … maybe ever.

Mentally and physically I am at the best place I’ve been since we moved here 4 years ago. I still have that “secretary 20” to lose that I gained over 3 years but I’m stronger than I’ve been in ages. My husband took me to Mexico for a much needed vacation and to see several of my favorite musicians that had always been on my bucket list (aka life list). I made new friends at an outdoor fitness bootcamp, several friendships became significantly stronger including reconnecting with my long lost half-sister, I secured my blendedfamilyhellonearth website domain which is in the works, launched a private Facebook small group for blended families and single parents, and am focusing the rest of 2016 on empowering myself and empowering others. New self-employment business endeavors have begun and I’m fully living life daily in a manner that genuinely reflects a work-life balance in its proper order.

Lessons from this year: It is so true that you should love your neighbor AS yourself. But I went through a period this year where I really did not love myself or my life anymore. In fact, I only loved dogs. I walked through the reasons I no longer loved myself dealing with each issue head on rather than sweeping the issues under the rug pretending they didn’t exist. My half-sister (and technically only sibling) helped me walk through my “daddy issues” sharing conversations our dad had with her that I had needed to hear for years. It was a void of sorts that has been very healing.

My marriage is the best it’s been in 5 years. In fact, my husband just text me Friday morning from work to let me know how much he loves “us” and our family right now. We have been working together as a team and have finally reached a “sweet spot” with the blended family issues and our communication.

I know life is a roller coaster and there will always be highs and lows but things are going so great right now that I actually want to hit pause and just enjoy it a little bit longer.

Let my life be living proof to you that no matter how dark the hard days may seem there is light around the corner and things WILL get better. Faith and hope are so important.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family (however difficult, broken or blended your family may be).

And Go Cowboys!!!

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If You Don’t Quit, You Win

winnersI woke up this morning still a bit heavy-hearted for my friend.  She’s not suicidal or a danger to herself but I get the sense that she’s given up on God and on people.

All I can say is please don’t quit and please don’t give up.  There are bad people in this world and people who do bad things but that is a reflection of their character not yours.  You are brillant, beautiful and intelligent.  You are worthly of love and healthy relationships.  You are valuable and special.

Please keep fighting for courage, freedom, love, hope and faith.  Who knows.  Maybe someone else needed to hear that today too.

You’re a winner.  Never quit.

Coffee cheers from Texas yall.

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Friends, Loyalty … Repeat

Saving this to show the boys. So so good for so many reasons!!!

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Dr. Laura … Boundaries

choose-or-lose

Coffee cheers from Texas y’all!

I saw this on social media yesterday and just LOVED it!  See, I’ve been trained to forgive and reconcile, forgive and reconcile, forgive and reconcile.  If someone slaps you on one cheek turn your face and let them slap the other.  But, what I’ve learned the past few years is that you CAN forgive while NOT being a doormat.  Boundaries are good.  Boundaries are safe.  Boundaries are necessary.  Setting boundaries and removing yourself is ok.  I have become increasingly empowered this year.  In a very good way.  In an ugly worm transforming into a beautiful butterfly sort of way.  In a I’m a smart, beautiful, powerful, successful confident woman sort of way.  And where the heck has this girl been all this time?  I REALLY like her!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that I can still get offended or get my feelings hurt.  I’ve still got quite the past and issues to navigate as many others do.  I didn’t just wake up in Disneyland.  But as I’ve grown this year, the hurts I’ve experienced have only pushed me forward rather than held me back.  They’ve made me wiser, smarter, more sensitive to others, and just happier y’all.  The challenges brought me to a road less traveled and I discovered that I love this secret path.  It’s like finding a hidden cave full of treasure you never would have known about if it hadn’t been for that annoying, inconvenient flat tire that left you stranded in the middle of the night on a dark and scary road alone.

So, I just had to journal this as a future reminder in case I find myself on a dark and scary road again.  Look for the hidden caves and secret paths y’all.

 

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