Hearts Aren’t Free but They Can Be #CreateinMe Week 3

This video and hand out (Feb 20, 2018) really did wonders for my marriage. Well, for my outlook and viewpoint about my marriage LOL. I honestly can’t express that enough. I even shared Week 3’s story with Hubster and apologized for the “slave mentality” that I brought into our relationship and have carried on and off for the last 7-8 years without even realizing it.

In this lesson, Amie Dockery outlined the Children of Israel and how they had favor but through an act of trickery (trading gold for wooden coins) became slaves. Then once they finally escaped bondage and slavery they actually took symbols of their slavery (gold rings) and made a golden calf to worship a false god while looking back on the slavery period as if it were actually better than being free. In order to be free they had to be (1) removed from Egypt but (2) Egypt also had to be removed from them. That Egypt mentality was still in their hearts.

I loved this quote: Slavery begins with deception but it ends with deliverance.

Y’all, I’ve had this slavery mentality in my marriage many times. With my ex (the man before Hubs), I believe it’s safe to say that I was a slave and didn’t even realize it for at least a decade. I thought we were a team, partners, amazing in business together, and best friends. In reality, I was there on his terms for his benefit at his beck and call, wearing what he approved, having friends that only he approved, etc. without regard to what was best for me or my future at all (I figured that out 100% when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to law school and he said no). One day I put on my big girl Princess pants because I’m the Daughter of a King and I abandoned that slave post. It was actually a Pastor and a sermon about bad boys that helped me get free from that one sided relationship.  Then I met Hubs. As a “free woman” (so I thought but clearly I still carried that slave mentality). So we did the right thing, and got married. Then, hello wilderness.

I say that jokingly because in hindsight it is actually funny, but there’s no doubt in my mind that our Blended Family Hell on Earth is nothing short of wilderness. So I felt, and said, many hurtful things to Hubs such as: I made a mistake marrying you, we never should have moved in together, your life is far more drama that its worth, at least with my (slave owner) ex boyfriend I never had this level of conflict in my life with my children.

And for YEARS I’ve looked at my current marriage from a wilderness perspective. Knowing I’m free, knowing I’m a Princess, loving my husband with my whole big heart, but fully understanding that until his kids are grown this is our wilderness season (and it’s not the kids, they are fabulous, it’s the ex and her jealousy, her desire to control, her manipulation of the kids, the lies, the false statements made under oath about me and my kids, not wanting my kids around Hubs’ kids to protect my kids, her hacking into our bank account when she worked at Chase Bank, basically the continual drama that my life is exposed to and will likely endure until that last child finally reaches age 18 and she loses her connection to the mind games). It’s like the wilderness y’all!!! And at times it’s made my past slave life look really darn good.

Until I listed to this video. When Amie asked how many of us look back on our slave days with desire as if it’s better than the promise of our future (could be a past relationship) …. I felt so convicted. I knew full well I’ve done this with my Husband who is my promise and who is my future. That mentality had to stop. And it has.  Granted, there may be times I need to come back and watch the video again (I hope it will still be there LOL), but it was such a good and healing reminder.

Thank you God for setting me FREE and thank you for giving me such a good Husband to navigate with on this journey.

Coffee cheers your way guys.

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