As most of my friends know, I’ve been traveling through Blended Family Hell on Earth for quite some time now, and about 1 ½ ago began to really believe that maybe we would be better off divorced. When my mind would go in that direction, I would try to remind myself that those thoughts are The Divorce Lie. But, as storms continued, I began planning an exit strategy which I called the “Just in Case” plan (you know, things like planning to make extra payments on my car to get it paid off and saving my cash allowance that we each budget instead of spending it “just in case”).
Then over the holidays I felt guilty about planning for “just in case” and promised to devote 2015 to my marriage and giving it my all. After all, it was A New Year so I was feeling all hopeful. Unfortunately, by February I decided that it was great to work on things but that I needed to continue the “just in case” plan. You know, just in case.
This weekend Hubster and I went through the house making a to do list. There are so many little odds and ends things that I want done like hanging the curtains higher in one room, painting the kitchen cabinets, installing a new ceiling fan, painting the kids bathroom, etc. A couple of these things would require some financial investing to which I said “well, if we aren’t going to work out, then I don’t want to make that kind of investment. It would be better to make the smaller changes that will help the house sell anyway and then just get out of it and get our own places.” Wow. Keeping that “just in case” plan in my head had really started carrying over into other areas of our marriage.
We went to church this morning and the sermon was about marriage and they played the song Love is Not a Fight by Warren Barfield from the Fireproof Movie Soundtrack. The song says:
Love is not a place to come and go as we please. It’s a house we enter in, then commit to never leave. So lock the door behind you. Throw away the key. We’ll work it out together. Let it bring us to our knees. Love is a shelter in a raging storm. Love is peace in the middle of a war. And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door. No, love is not a fight but it’s something worth fighting for.
Oh. My. Gosh. The word “conviction” would be an understatement. When we got married, we promised that divorce was not an option. We agreed that our marriage was a “house we enter in, then commit to never leave.”
This message, this song, this sermon series was God sending angels to guard our door. I realize now more than ever that I cannot have a “just in case” plan. Not at all. Yes, it feels safer to have one. But it’s not right. So, for the millionth time, I’m reminded AGAIN that “we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor 10:5.