Deep breath in. Exhale. Ahhh, journal time.
I accompanied the hubster to a “discover our church” class today and left completely deflated. No, it was not their fault. I can tell that they accept people where they are at, they walk in love, and they genuinely hold tight to the Bible. In the sermon today the pastor said that he’s never seen someone converted to Christ by a Facebook rant or by judging the world. As a church, we won’t boycott anything. We will go out into the world and show love. Being a Christian is not about what you don’t do, it is using your gifts and talents to win the world for Christ. We are to be containers and dispensers of the love of Christ. Now go love the world. Invite the unchurched to attend church and warmly welcome those who visit. Yes. Yes. Yes. That is exactly what God has put on my heart too.
So why did I leave the discovery class feeling deflated? Because of the perpetual circle of failure. Am I the type of person who can show honor to God and my church family? Sure, some days. But I know myself well enough to know that there will also be days that I will let them down. And during some seasons, that may be more often than not. One day I’m chugging along in my faith walk bringing honor and glory to God and the very next day I’m back on my knees again praying for forgiveness. Falling down then getting back up and repeating that cycle over and over.
One of the versus that the church listed in their booklet was Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs…” . Crap. There it is again. I have had that scripture written on my index card notes for months now and I have yet to be consistently successful with it. The verse that more accurately reflects my nature is in James 3:8-10, “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.…”. Oh yes, that is still me. Don’t get me wrong, like Joyce Meyer says, I may not be where I should be but I sure am glad I am not where I used to be. But “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths” still seems like an awfully big stretch for this Texas girl. So, deflated I left thinking “can I really do this” and honestly not being sure that I can.
I know that I am not alone in feeling this way. Many of us struggle in this marathon. While some run on ahead others are stopping at the side to catch their breath while others are throwing up. Yes, we are all involved in the same marathon but we have very different genetic makeups, different fitness levels, and pre-existing conditions and injuries. Or, like in my case, LOTS of pre-existing injuries.
Thank God that it’s not about us or our righteousness but it’s about God and how much He can do in and through us despite ourselves.
Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to catch a second wind in order to run another couple of miles.
Social media hugs to all.