I’ve been chugging along crazy amazed by everything this Bible Study is revealing. My favorite thing about Priscilla Shirer studies are the amount of time required. It’s not a weekly event. It takes me about an hour a day every day (because my mind wonders so much). It’s interactive. Reading, writing, praying, repeat. But, that’s why she’s my favorite and why I gain so much from her studies.
So, Gideon…. Boasting about God in my weaknesses and being aware of my weaknesses. That’s almost hilarious. I have LOTS of weaknesses. But, since this study started, I’ve been asking God and wondering what weaknesses I have that God has actually used. Ones that are even “usable” because I sure wouldn’t use my weaknesses if I were God haha. Now typically, God does a GREAT job of revealing my weaknesses and flesh issues to me and then pruning them. Pruning some more. Pruning some more. Oh dang that painful pruning process. So, thinking about weaknesses that he USES as opposed to cuts off to make me more in His image, that’s actually a new concept for me. My mind was blank. So, I’ve been asking for help from Him in revealing that to me because I cannot wrap my mind around it.
Then this morning, the revelation. Ta da. God uses my forgetfulness (what I call A.D.D. or my crazy wandering mind) for His glory. Without that forgetfulness, I can honestly say that this blog would NOT be in existence. The reason I write about God and things He puts on my heart is because I will forget if I don’t. I’ve already forgotten what I blogged about last week, but I can always go back and look. That’s why I write everything down. And I mean everything. I email myself notes and reminders and then send an email reminding me to read my notes bahahaha.
My mind has always been this forever wondering machine. It reminds me of the mouse in the book If you Give a Mouse a Cookie. I have been accused of being rude, not being interested, not engaging others and none of those things are actually true that’s just how it looks. I have about a 5 minute attention span and then boom – off my mind goes. If you don’t grab my attention quick, good luck grabbing it at all. And, like the TV show Ally McBeal, I have cartoon imaginations that run wild in my head at the most inappropriate moments while listening to and speaking with people. When I am thinking and praying, I’ll have about 10 thoughts at one time. So I write all 10 down “real quick” in the personal shorthand language that I have taught myself. Then I go back and fill in the gaps later. But, I can only do it by writing it all down. So, basically, if it wasn’t for the ADD, short attention span, mind wondering issues and forgetfulness, I would not be a disciplined note taker and journaling princess and this blog would not be in existence. God uses my wondering mind for His glory.
I have at times HATED having this weakness. For example, I sat for the LSAT exam 3 weeks ago and did not finish it (and have never finished a timed test that I can recall). In fact, I would say that I maybe only completed 60-75% of it. I asked my husband to “pray for and give me a letter of the day” and I went back and just filled that letter in on every bubble that I had not completed. After it was over, he asked me how I felt the test went, and I said it would depend on the letter he gave me. If “D” was the correct answer on those 25-30% that I did not complete, I would do ok. At least have the possibility of an “average” score. But if it wasn’t, I likely would not get into law school and would have to take the test again for sure. Either way, I had him pick the letter so that it would be “his fault” haha. Gotta love marriage. (And by the way, I did get accepted at SMU and A&M so not bad not bad. D must have been the letter of the day.)
More examples, I go into the kitchen to get something and forget why I am there. I forgot to get my husband an anniversary gift this year. I meant to and had the thought. But unless I make a calendar reminder on my iPhone, I forget to do things. He and I share an iPhone calendar and I did not want him to see the gift reminder so I did not make a reminder. Surely I would NOT forget to grab the gift right? Wrong! We were having dinner and he had me a card and guess what. I told him “oh no honey, I forgot to bring your card.” Oh yeah, I did forget to bring it. I had left it at Kroger!!! I got the milk and bread and no anniversary card. And honestly, that’s just me. If you know me and can overlook that quirky quality, we will be fine.
So, I asked God to reveal a GOOD side of this weakness. Ways He has used it. And He reminded me: I have a 4.0 GPA because I had to learn to take detailed notes in college so that I could memorize them before tests. Every boss I have had has applauded me over the way that I take notes and make calendar reminders for them on clients, issues, and trial prep. I used to take notes as a secretary for the North Texas Legal Association and type them up each week and did a great job at that. None of those positives are because I am so great or special, it’s because I must be thorough or it won’t get done. I’ve taught myself to be organized because I am aware of my weakness. Unless I go “above and beyond” in note taking, calendaring, reminders, etc. there is NO WAY I will remember or complete tasks or be on target. So, I’ve become a bit of an organizing queen. Everything has a place, a note, and a reminder. I keep all of my sermon notes, journals and prayer requests in the same fashion. I can tell you exactly what preacher at what church spoke on any given Sunday that I attended for the past 10 years. Those books have become prized possessions for me. If I am having a childish or selfish day with God (being bratty about what I don’t have etc), I can grab any of those books and look over just a few pages and get right back into an attitude of praise and thanks. I can see God’s hand at work over and over and over again since I converted to Christianity.
This blog is called God Is Real. Why? Because unless I remind myself OFTEN that God is real, I will forget. Unless there is a written note, reminder, journal entry, calendar pop up, etc saying “Dear Daughter, I Am Real!” and reminding me of the things that God has done, I truly will forget.
So, cheers to my wondering mind and the forgetfulness that I have repeatedly viewed as the “thorn in my flesh”. For God’s strength is made perfect in weaknesses and His grace is truly sufficient.
Maybe now I will learn to stop complaining about this wondering mind… LOL.
Social media hugs!