Lawsuit and Child Custody Stress…. How I Prayed

Yesterday afternoon I received a telephone call from an anxious woman that attends the Bible Study at my husband’s workplace. It was the classic – and sadly typical – highly contested child custody and litigation stress phone call. And actually, she was the 3rd or 4th woman that I have talked to this week that’s going through what I now jokingly call “baby daddy lawsuit drama”. The cause? A consequence of marrying the wrong person, poor choices, adultery, marrying too young, for the wrong reasons, growing apart, giving up, a natural consequence of divorce, it just comes with the territory…? Yes to any or all of those things. But regardless of HOW you found yourself at that point, if you are at that point and there is no turning back, then you need the proper tools (spiritual warfare weaponry) to handle it.

I have been a paralegal for nearly 20 years and my last boss did handle a lot of family law (which is my least favorite area of law).  So, I am rather used to speaking with women undergoing this level of high anxiety and emotion. And let me tell you, very few things are as stressful and intense as warfare involving your kids. And, nothing has the ability to bring out straight ugly behavior and emotions in you that you didn’t even know you had until you are involved in family law litigation. But, she was not calling me asking for paralegal advice. She was calling me for my advice as a Christian woman. Woman to woman, Christian to Christian, sister to sister advice.  This is the elbow me, behind the scenes whispering, please tell me on the down low REALLY how to travel through this valley of the shadow of death without being devoured.

So, I told her I would type it up and send it to her.  And here you have it.

First, know that you are NOT alone. This level of stress could make anyone look like a psychotic lunatic (oh yes even me). But there is hope! Yaye. You are NOT a psychotic lunatic even if you feel like one. (Disclaimer: unless you are psychotic LOL)

Secondly, I’m going to be straight up honest with you. There have been times that I have participated in the hard core screaming, texting, and anger emailing while dealing with our contested family and custody issues. And you know what? That didn’t help me much. As soon as my red face calmed down, I was still in the same boat I was in before the anger rage rant only now I had backtracked a few steps and it didn’t get me anywhere. I threw a fit and made sure I was heard but we were no closer to any type agreement and the kids homework still wasn’t finished.  My energy was just depleated and I was too exhausted to do much of anything much less look like a spiritual warrior princess.

Please know that the process of walking through the valley of the shadow of death is two steps forward, one back, three forward, one back, four forward, one back. You will take steps back and when you do you will tend to beat yourself up. Don’t do that. It’s kind of like dieting. If you over eat at one meal, don’t use that as an excuse to over eat for the next week. Repent to God for your failure, ask Him to strengthen you, and get back on track moving forward. It may take lots of time and money but it DOES COME TO AN END. Like labor pains, eventually the baby is born and you will be on the other side. Look up! Don’t stare at your problems. Stare at The One who can walk you through them.

I personally recommend that you read and pray these things along with anything else you believe God is putting on your heart to read.

DISCLAIMER (because I can feel my husband shaking his head back and forth at me now for the scriptures I am about to give you): I am sure that I am taking these versus out of their original context and am using versus from the old covenant that Jesus has since clarified. But let me tell you something. The versus I prayed while going through this were straight from the Bible, were written on my note cards, and I meant them! And I was going to God with my anger NOT going to the opposing parent directly (well, not this time).  So in my land, the scriptures were biblical and I’m glad for holding onto them. Praying them has given me peace and it helped me not act out against my physical, natural, opposition (the ex – though I’ve done that before too.  It’s hard not to.). I’ve also seen some incredible responses in the natural. So don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. In your alone time, write these or your own on note cards and pray them out loud as often as needed. Hearing them will increase your faith (faith comes by hearing) and will encourage you in boldness.

“The Lord turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.” Psa 34:16-17.

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. Psa 34:19.

“Calamity will surely overtake the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be punished.” Psa 34:21.

“Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Put on your armor and take up your shield. Prepare for battle and come to my aid.” Psa 35:1-2.

“Bring shame and disgrace on those trying to kill me; turn them back and humiliate those who want to harm me.” Psa 35:4.

“I did them no wrong but they dug a pit to catch me. So let sudden ruin come upon them! Let them be caught in the trap they set for me! Let them be destroyed in the pit they dug for me… I will be glad because He rescues me.” Psa 35:7-9. (If you have done wrong, confess it and repent of it and don’t do it again. Allow Jesus to cleanse you of that mistake.  Mess up, fess up, try again.)

“Malicious witnesses testify against me. They accuse me of crimes I know nothing about…” Psa 35:11.

“Rescue me from his fierce attacks. Protect my life from this lion”. Psa 35:17 (personalized).

“O Lord… do not stay silent. Do not abandon me now. O Lord Wake up! Rise to my defense! Take up my case, my God and my Lord. Declare me not guilty, O Lord my God, for you give justice. Don’t let my enemies laugh about me in my troubles…. May those who rejoice at my troubles be humiliated and disgraced. May those who triumph over me be covered with shame and dishonor…” Psa 35:22-26.

“Pour out your unfailing love on those who love you; give justice to those with honest hearts. Don’t let the proud trample me or the wicked push me around. Look! Those who do evil have fallen! They are thrown down, never to rise again.” Psa 36:10-12.

“I will not worry about the wicked or envy those who do wrong. Like grass they soon fade away… I will trust in the Lord and do good.” Psa 37:1-3 (personalized).

“Soon the wicked will disappear. Though you look for them, they will be gone.” Psa 37:10.

“The wicked plot against the godly; they snarl at them in defiance. But the Lord just laughs, for he sees their day of judgment coming.” Psa 37:12-13.

“The strength of the wicked will be shattered, but the Lord takes care of the godly.” Psa 37:17.

“I will turn from evil and do good, and I will live in the land forever. For the Lord loves justice and will never abandon the godly.” Psa 38:27-28.

“The wicked wait in ambush for the godly looking for an excuse to kill them. But the Lord will not let the wicked succeed or let the godly be condemned when they are put on trial.” Psa 37:32-33.

And don’t forget, regardless of how crooked or conspiring the other party is, be honest and trustworthy and do what is right. You do the right thing to the best of your ability and leave the results up to God. And this is in the New Testament. I have heard some people talk about karma (which is really the biblical principal of sowing and reaping). These are great verses to hold on to especially if you worry that evil actions may win out over good. “Don’t be misled – you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up…” And when your flesh man does win out (the step back), repent quickly and get right back up. Don’t do the enemy’s job for him by constantly beating yourself up.

Pray that your children’s minds will be protected from the darts of the enemy and their eyes will be opened and their hearts will be softened.  (I have also heard that some churches offer a Divorce Care for Kids class.)

Learn about spiritual warfare. It’s found in Ephesians 6:10-18. We are not fighting a physical battle. We are fighting a spiritual battle and you can see manifestations of that in the natural. We are not fighting against flesh and blood but against rulers and authorities … evil spirits. But guess what! God told us what to do to fight offensively in spiritual wars. You use the sword of the spirit (the word of God). You should read “The Whole Armor of God” section found in Eph 6 and maybe look up a sermon or book about it (from a church you trust) so that you’ll have a better understanding.

Finally, I will remind you of one more thing. I have referred to this difficult road as the valley of the shadow of death several times which comes from Psalms 23:4 (read the KJV or NKJV, other translations have changed this meaning) which says “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me. …
Pastor teacher Duane Sheriff taught me that the SHAWDOW OF A DOG can’t hurt you. Remember, you are NOT walking through death valley or the valley of death. You are walking through its SHADOW. Like a shadow from a tree. There is evil above and its shadow is on the ground and you are walking on the sidewalk but you are WALKING OVER AND THROUGH that shadow. The SHADOW cannot harm you because YOU ARE HIS!!!

And the verse that follows right after that one is Psalms 23:5. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.”  This is probably my favorite verse.  Happiness and joy is its own reward.

Read together it says: “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me… You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.”

May the Lord bless you and keep (protect) you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious (kind, giving you favor) to you. May He lift up his countenance (approval) upon you and give you peace (a tranquil heart). Amen. (Numbers 6:24-26).

Also, my recommended book resources for reading are:

The Bible (Ephesians 6 regarding the Armor of God & Psalms 34-37, etc).

Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer

Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst (You can’t control other people only your reactions to them.  And please DONT let him control your emotions!)

This entry was posted in christianity and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Lawsuit and Child Custody Stress…. How I Prayed

  1. Casey burgio says:

    I have family court the 29t at 9am my son’s father who had been in and out of my.sons life never even asked him for a penny in five years got a gf she got pregnant had the baby the baby has a brain tumer possibly and or down syndrome. Since my son’s father found this out about his newest so he’s wanted anthony more then every other Sat and sun then every Monday until Tuesday. So I have him Fridays and also my son has soccer twice a week after soccer I let him go get ice cream or dinner with his father then come back home to me. He’s taking me to court for me to see my.son every other weekend and twice a week for a few hours. It has been my son and I for 5 years against the world. We have a bond like no other mother and son. For many reasons we don’t need to explain right now. He needs me mentally just as much if not more then I need him. Prob the same. If his father wins tomorrow I know my son will be physically taken care of by mostly his girl friend who I do like. But he will not be mentally and feeling wise okay with out me every night. He’s slept in my arms since he came out. And still give years old he still sleeps in his mamad arms. Please say a prayer god knows we can.not be separated but my son told his law guardian mt parents smoke pot. That’s where we’ve lived since he was born. not know how he even knew that. But also told her his dad drinks a lot of beer. He told her he can’t live without his heart and mama is his heart but he wants to see daddy a few days a week still. I’m a nervous reck. My son’s always been my heart please pray and respond asap. Thank you.

    • godizreal says:

      I pray that you will have peace and strength during this time.

      On a personal note, my biological father never sought to enforce his visitation rights with me after my parents divorce and it hurt me deeply as I got older. I felt unlovable and unwanted and sought attention from boys that I should not have (resulting in teen pregnancy and a world of other problems). For your child’s sake, I hope his father’s intentions are pure and that he will love your son and reconnect in a healthy way. If you will read what the Bible says about fathers, it’s pretty powerful. This could be a GREAT thing in your child’s life. Every child deserves love from both of his parents.


  2. Sarah says:

    This article is awesome! I am a christianyou mother going through so much my kids who have always been with me got placed with there father after a long court battle.Lies were told on me it devastated me.I have not been the same I get my kids often but miss alot like taking them to school.and everyday thing.Its heart breaking please pray for me thank you.I want to go to court soon to get my custody back.God bless.

  3. Sparkle Watts says:

    Wow… I came across your article looking for scriptures/words of encouragement for my best friend who is going through a custody battle with her ex-boyfriend, he’s seeking full custody and was granted temporary custody of their 2yr old son, while she has to pay child support and only have standard visitations. This is a difficult time for her, and I hate seeing her in this situation, she is truly the definition of kindness which is one of the reasons she’s in this mess, she never denied the father to see his son, and was always bending to please him… I am still in shock that the Judge ruled in his favor, and practically up rooted this baby from a stable environment to someone who has never raised any of his children and has a history of domestic violence, vs a non promiscuous women, a mother who has no criminal record, raised a child that’s in college, with 20 years of stable working history, and owns her home. I’m not the one that’s actually faced with this problem but im going through it with her, because we are like sisters, but your article gave me hope for her… thank you so much

  4. Mary says:

    Thank you thank you for this! My daughter is 6 and I am being taken back to court for the 3rd time in a year and feel defeated!

    I always take the high road for my child and am feeling confused how we are here again. It puts her through so much and I just don’t understand. I am seeking the lord harder than ever!!

    All of the verses help tremendously! Thank you!

  5. Tierra says:

    Thank you and amen

  6. For the past year, I have been in a battle over my two small boys. My ex husband has been molesting them. I have been fighting this battle on my knees. Praying and praising. Today I sit here waiting for the judge to make his ruling. Court was this past Thursday. An evidentiary hearing. Your post has helped me tremendously! Especially when I worry that evil will win! Thank you!!!!

  7. I read this post a few years ago when I went through similar stuff. I am so thankful for it because it helped me get through. In Christ we have victory!

  8. Ruth A. Brown says:

    God has been so merciful to help us find your awesome post and especially your prayers using scripture. May God richly bless you for this!
    I would ask for your prayers for my great grandson and the upcoming
    court date in October 2018.
    The previous time in court, the court has given the father supervised
    visitations (2 days per week) with the fathers mother as the supervisor.

    This time a judge will hear the case.
    When my grand daughter picks the baby up from the fathers visitation days…my great grandson has bruises on his back, hips, and shoulders. Now we are fearing even sexual abuse since
    the baby is starting to talk.
    Please pray for our baby’s protection.

    The following is a brief overview of what has transpired to help you understand
    this prayer request.

    On December 2016, my granddaughter and her then
    boyfriend had a precious little baby boy who is 21 months old now. Before he was
    born the baby’s father requested for my granddaughter to get an abortion. My
    granddaughter would never consider this and had the baby. The baby’s father and
    his family wanted nothing to do with him for the first 5 months of the baby’s
    life. Despite many attempts by my granddaughter to bring the baby to their house
    or to invite them to our house to see the baby. Each family member refused to
    come or didn’t want to see the baby when my granddaughter offered to bring him
    to their house.
    When the baby was 6 months old my granddaughter received court
    papers . The baby’s father was asking for 50% physical and legal custody. My
    granddaughter secured a lawyer and the court assigned a guardian ad litem and a
    forensic psychologist was assigned to the case as well. After many months of
    Court disputes with temporary supervised visitation given to the father two days
    per week, the case is going to go before a judge in October 2018.

    As a Christian family, we cannot even accept partial custody for the father,
    since the baby’s father and the paternal grandmother are very much into the occult
    and the baby’s father has been doing drugs for at least the past four years that
    we know of. The guardian ad Litem and the forensic psychologist have worked
    feverishly on this case for the last year and both agree the baby’s father
    should have no rights.
    I would like to request prayer for the judge and all of
    those involved in deciding the custody of my great grandson.

    Our family has been under severe spiritual warfare and spiritual attacks nearly
    every day and very much at night for the past
    year. We have never experienced anything like this.

    I pray for God’s protection over the baby every moment.

    My request is that you would please pray for the protection for my
    great grandson and the court will do God’s will.

    • Gods daughter says:

      I read youre post Im praying for youre whole family.may God bless you and ne with you all.Protection for the children Psalm:91.

  9. Sanford Levings says:

    i don’t know if i should pursue litigation and would love to hear your thoughts.

  10. Gods daughter says:

    This really helped me.Thank you so much, God bless you.i am praying for a Christian lawyer to represent me in a long 6 year coustody battle.I am going to pray these verses.God bless you.

  11. Karen says:

    This has helped me so much, thank you for posting!! I too have been referring to this battle as the Valley of the shadow of death. I love your explanation of the shadow at the end.

  12. Maria Marquez says:

    Thank you for this website it has brought peace of mind to me in this time of trial my court is on the 27th of this month my ex is fighting to get full custody of our daughters or joint custody I want full custody like I have had for my daughters so this is very hard for me and my other kids. Thanks again

  13. Harriet says:

    Thanks for these prayers.
    I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and we now have a 6-year old daughter. I’ve supported our living arrangement – a 1-bed flat for all these 10 years, including mortgage, bills, groceries, my daughters clothes/uniform/shoes – basically everything, whilst working 2 jobs (even though he earns twice what I earn). I have been taking care of my daughter throughout the 6 years, doing school drops/pick-ups, clubs and extra-curricular activities. He looks after her on alternate weekends from Friday evening to Saturday evening as I do a 17 hour work shift. Then Sundays I take her swimming etc etc. Previously, he never did any school drops as he was always running late, and no school picks as he worked late. On weekends that I wasn’t working, he would wake up at 10/11am then go to see his Parents.
    Six months ago, I asked him to move out to give us space whilst I wanted to contemplate divorce. He filed a Court Order to allow him to stay in my apartment (which he won) and ever since has actively started being involved with my daughter – doing school drops, pick ups, and EVERYTHING, never leaving us alone even for for 1 minute now – taking her out to restaurants/cinemas etc etc (he still doesn’t contribute to the apartment) and he’s taking me to court for child custody.
    I am despairing – my daughter and I have done everything together, and we’ve never been split – and I pray to God to allow truth to win. I know I wasn’t very kind to my Parents when they were around, and perhaps this is the price I am paying for how I behaved with my Parents.

    Please God, please save me and my daughter and please let us not be split apart…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s