My spirit man has been grieved on and off since losing the Titus momma mentorships that I had back in Texoma as blogged in my Wizard of Oz Experience. But it is a “retirement community” so there are plenty of older, wise, Christian women to pour into us younger – or not so young after all – ladies. Beautiful ladies they are!
As great as a Pastor (male) can be, there is just a natural tendency for women to be drawn to women about women’s issues. We tend to look at men as though they don’t have the “street credit” to understand our unique DNA makeup. On the other hand, navigating women’s ministry can often be like walking into an ocean. There is the possibility of having a beautiful, floating, relaxing experience that you look forward to doing more of – OR – you can immediately sense by the flopping of the fish around you that you have, in fact, ventured into shark infested waters and should get out of that water as fast as possible.
Funny story. Our 10 year old son who is usually sweet, kind, and so polite had a disagreement with his sister this past weekend and in turn he acted and behaved very ugly and out of character. Teaching about women 101 occurred right there in the kitchen. Son, listen to the instructions of your parents (Proverbs 1:8-9). If anyone can push your buttons in life to spur you to anger or frustration, it will be done by a woman. Do not let your sister, a girl in school, or even your wife control your actions and reactions (well, you know, the best that you can). Know now that women will be your greatest challenge in relationships. And since I’m a woman, I’m allowed to make those statements. And all the men nod in agreement haha.
So, why as women are we drawn to women? I think because it’s biblical. The older women (more spiritually mature women) are to TRAIN the younger women. Titus 2:4. We are to stir each other up IN GOOD THINGS. To bring out the best in each other.
I remember that it was Pastor Duane Sheriff at Victory Life Church who first taught me about the book of Titus. He said that women have to be TAUGHT to love their husbands and children and what that looks like. Hmmm… you’d think women would naturally love their husbands right? Well… bahahaha. Not always. After all. Love is action NOT emotion and it looks like this.
Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Cor 13:4-7.
Yep, love must be TAUGHT to women. It is NOT natural. It is supernatural and requires the fruit of the spirit that God gives us in order to achieve this love. Love “does not demand its own way”. How many women can say they don’t demand their own way? I certainly can’t. And God did say “you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Gen 3:16. Which then caused me to pray for a gentle, loving ruler of a husband LOL. I mean, after all, he is the head of our family as Christ is the church and is the savior of our family and I am challenged – instructed – to respect (submit) to my husband as unto the Lord. Eph 5:23.
What does that respect (submission) look like? Well, it can mean encouraging him to take that hunting trip, go to that CHL class, or pursue his lifelong dreams. It can be simply honoring him by NOT complaining about him to your girlfriends. It’s covering for each other’s faults like you’d like him to do for you. Ladies, you know we have MANY!
Should everyone who volunteers to lead be leading? “Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” James 3:1-2. Notice that this verse in the NLT uses the word JUDGED. You WILL BE JUDGED. You can’t say and do whatever you want and sign it with a “don’t judge me” tagline. For, as a leader and teacher, you WILL BE JUDGED. This verse also goes straight into sins of the mouth. What are those? Maybe complaining? Or gossiping? I don’t know about you, but I’m guilty. If I have been offended by someone, I am supposed to tell them directly. Matt 18:15. Do I always do that? Heck no.
What are the qualities that I want in a mentor? What qualities do I ask God to work on me about? Someone demonstrating the biblical characteristics of a respectable, loving leader. And yes, I have met women who are genuinely this way with other women.
Someone loving and full of mercy but who hates sin. “You must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.” Jude 1:22-23.
Someone who does not condone sin. “Some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago.” Jude 1:4.
Someone who does not sit silently but who speaks up gently: “Don’t get involved in foolish arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be kind to everyone, able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth… then they can escape the devil’s trap.” 2 Tim 2:23-26.
Someone who is wise, genuine, and isn’t a “clique” person. I used to refer to them as the “inner circle only kind of gal”. “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.” James 3:17.
Someone who looks out for me. “Do nothing through selfish ambition but esteem others better than yourself looking out for their interests also.” Phil 2:3-5.
I believe that in seeking God as Mary did when she sat at the feet of Jesus, I am seeking the BEST thing. And God will provide and reveal the right person, at the right time, in due season for mentorship in this new geographical area I’ve been moved to. And though it is a painful process, I pray that God will search the hearts of His women, myself included, and continue to graft us into the image and likeness of Christ so that we can genuinely represent God and our husbands and our pastors well.
Social media hugs!